


I am two in one, and the two exist no more.

by TieflingBoi



Series: D.I.D Sander-Sides [7]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Integration, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Switching, Therapy, body flashbacks, did, discussions of past integration, no details on the trauma, past trumas discussion, theres a switch that takes a lonnggg time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21592684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TieflingBoi/pseuds/TieflingBoi
Summary: Logan opens up on how integration felt between past Logan and OB8 in a therapy session. Someone new comes out to front.
Series: D.I.D Sander-Sides [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/824610
Comments: 23
Kudos: 200





	I am two in one, and the two exist no more.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it's so short, I'm just proud that I made words actually happen.

“So Logan”, Dr Lisa said tucking a loose strand of dirty blonde hair behind her ear. “How are you?” 

“I’m adequate,” Logan stated with a slight shrug, as the silence lingered he realised he needed to elaborate. “I have not had any moments of significant note, wait no that is incorrect. I have had one strong dissociative moment in the last week. Obviously, there have been many occasions of dissociation, but the only one I’ve personally experienced that made functioning difficult.” 

“Can you think of what might have triggered it?”    
  


Logan paused considering. 

“No, I’ve thought over it a lot actually, but nothing comes to mind.” 

“That’s okay.” 

He knew that. Obviously, it was okay. But he didn’t speak it out loud. 

“Are you the only one in your system to have integrated?” 

“I believe so, although the better our communications have been the more alters we’ve become aware of so I am unsure if any of them are integrations.” 

“Would you like to talk about that?”    
  


He raised an eyebrow, “Integration?” 

“If you’d like.” 

He let out a sigh. It was strange, he was a person living with two peoples memories. It was a difficult thing to explain how it felt. 

“ I… Logan of the past and OB8, they both held significant trauma. I, hold that trauma now, two separate entities traumas. It is upsetting. But I have learned to not be held down by it. If I allowed that I would surely not be the person I am today.” 

Five things he could see, three things he could feel, two things he could smell, one thing he could taste. It’s 2019, it’s 2019, it’s 2019. He’s okay.

“OB8, it was, an interesting thing. A robot, whose only purpose was to obey, to have orders given out and met. It did not feel, it did not consider the ramifications. It kept us safe. Logan, he was a smart kid, he felt more than I do now, but not quite as much as the others. He was very logical, he would think about and relive the traumas over and over until they lacked meaning or any kind of personalisation. They were just hurt’s. Nothing more, nothing less.” 

Five things he could see, three things he could feel, two things he could smell, one thing he could taste. It’s 2019, its 2019, its 2019. He’s okay.

“Surprisingly, it was OB8 that asked Logan to integrate, it may not have had emotions like you or me, but it did suffer eminently. It was tired of that. Logan, likewise, had envied OB8’s ability to not feel at all, to not emote. So they both agreed. I dont know how long it took in the real world. But in the inner world, it seemed like days of putting up amnesia walls from the others. Of trying. Neither of them really knew what nor how integration worked. But at some point, they stopped being two… stopped being… And then there was me.” 

He hastily wiped away a tear. He hadn’t realised this would be such an emotional topic for him. This would require further research. Lisa offered him the tissue box which he gratefully accepted. 

“ OB8 didn’t feel, Logan did feel, I-I find myself in a strange grey area. I have OB8’s memories, its trauma, I dont think, was ever really processed and when I first came into being… I will not lie, it was a lot… It still can be. But I’m glad for this merging of two parts, for a feel a more complete nit than either of them did.”    
  


He felt a hand brush against his neck. He minutely turned his head to check, and as suspected no one was there. Ah Body flashbacks then. How fun. 

Lisa smiled gently, a reassuring smile. “Thank you for sharing Logan, I understand how that must have been difficult for you to talk about.” 

“Thanks isn’t necessary, it is expected that a client divulges difficult details in order to heal in sessions such as these.” 

“That may be so, but I thank you anyway.”

Logan hummed. This talking had left him tired, and the flashbacks were causing him to feel quite dissociated. He would never admit it but he was somewhat glad, perhaps he would switch soon- he had been front stuck for a few days now and it was getting rather annoying. 

“Logan can you take my hand please.” 

He did what was asked with minor hesitation, trying to get the body to move as expected as his thoughts began to float. 

Squeeze, Release, Squeeze together, release. 

Squeeze, Release, Squeeze together, release. 

Squeeze, Release, Squeeze together, release. 

Squeeze, Release, Squeeze together, release. 

Squeeze, Release, Squeeze together, release. 

Breath. 

  
  


Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. Its 2019. 

Breath 

You’re safe. 

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

You’re safe.

Breath

Somone take over. Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.Somone take over.

He sighed, blinking hard. He wasn’t quite sure who he was at the moment. Lisa squeezed his hand (again? He wasn’t sure) Therapy he was in therapy. He had been Logan. Was he Logan now? Maybe...Maybe...Maybe...Maybe...Maybe...Maybe...Maybe…

Snap. He was…, no he’d lost it. Fuck. Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath... Breath…

Ah, so that’s who he was. Oh… this was new. Who was this lady? He glanced about the room… Therapist? Yessss a therapist. Interesting. 

Virgil had mentioned her once or twice. Yes, he had not trusted her. She knew too much. Yes, perhaps that why he had been drawn out, to protect everyone. Keeping secrets was the only way to survive as it were. 

“Hi, can I ask who I’m talking to? 

He made the quick decision, who was he going to be? 

“Hey, Patton here! Nice to see ya again!” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hey... yeah I still have ideas for this series and every time a new video or side gets released I think of how they fit in this au but I've struggled to make word happen. 
> 
> I really wanted to depict a slow and frustrating switch as well as the often accompanying dissociation as in my past works i think they switched a bit too seamlessly sometimes. I've done a lot more research sine when I began this au, and have talk and listened to first-hand accounts of those with DID so I'm aiming to slowly bring more realistic representation. However, I am not apart of a system so if you are and have any criticism please feel free to at anytime. 
> 
> As always I literally feed of feedback, so if you have any thought or feelings, or ideas where the narrative could go please let me know. 
> 
> Tumblr: https://thatjettkid.tumblr.com/  
> Ko-fi:ko-fi.com/jettthekid


End file.
